September 2010
1 post
you: the cab driver kept farting
you: so I gave him a dollar less tip
April 2010
1 post
you: I was worried that consciousness was just really a passive window onto reality
you: so I decided to move my foot three times and then did it
March 2010
2 posts
you: I'm in the bathroom with my laptop btw
me: again?
you: I'm getting into it
you: I'm worried about getting shit on my keys
you: dag
you: that dag was to someone else
you: I'm on my laptop in the bathroom is that excessive?
me: this is your first time ever?
you: one other time
you: to watch some of the hurt locker
February 2010
1 post
you: its amazing
you: how you get a baby then you look like a dad
you: and not like a dork
January 2010
2 posts
you: they found water on the moon
me: i know
you: well now my deliver water to the moon business is pointless
you: this is weird
you: and hard to explain
you: but I feel like my sense of touch sometimes gets about a tenth of a second behind
you: when I take my pants off its the worst!
you: its almost like my legs are sort of asleep
December 2009
1 post
you: I think the look I should cultivate is intellectual cowboy
November 2009
3 posts
me: you spelled smoking wrong.
you: I thought I spelled it in a cool way
you: I have an etiquette question
you: one night stand girl leaves a cellphone
you: at your place
you: you make arrangement to let her have it
you: you also see that she left underwear
you: what do you do
me: are you sure it's hers and not another one night stand?
you: yeah, I mean, I think so
you: i'm going to go and run a mile
you: what do I do?
you: just go outside and run??
August 2009
1 post
you: so I'm parallel parking
you: and some of my tire is on the curb
you: I was getting made fun of
you: by the stoop kids
you: "you were buggin!"
me: are they old enough to drive?
you: yeah
you: but now I can't correct it
you: until a different group of kids come out
me: were you buggin?
you: yeah, I prob was
July 2009
1 post
you: this is interesting
you: when you are stalking on facebook
you: it remembers
you: and puts them up first in your search results
you: thanks facebook!
March 2009
8 posts
you: I always thought the girl in every port thing was a silly old fashioned phrase
you: but I think if you tour or are in the navy or whatever, it can be true
me: when are you going to get tested?
you: when my dick explodes
you: I got stoned last night and learned all about cryptography
you: you want a penetrating look into society?
you: get high and watch meercat manor
you: its a discovery channel show
you: a university tracked this meercat colony for 10 years
you: videoing them, tagging them
you: its nuts
you: the complexity of their society
me: which meercat most resembles you?
you: Mr. Muscles
you: I'm out of food
you: although I could make a salad
you: I really think we're screwed in the future
you: the main thing that will keep us from being too fucked up is robots have to control the means of replication, which will take awhile
me: i wonder which one of us will have a robot arm first
you: well
you: I drink more
you: I was thinking I should hire a personal trainer
you: for like 3 months
you: pay $50 a week or whatever
you: see what happens
you: I've been up for 1.5 hours
you: and I feel like I'm still out at the bar
you: like I could go to a bar now and keep going
you: that means I'm literally not even hungover yet
you: I'm posting on facebook walls like I'm drunk
you: I want to have sex
you: but this is probably the worst time to meet anyone
you: sunday morning
February 2009
9 posts
you: by the way, I work in a robe now!
you: I think I should become a real stoner
you: and just get high everyday while working from home
you: I think I'd work faster
you: but then I'd have to nap more
you: I think everyone is different in how weed affects you
you: I don't like to do anything while I'm high
you: its a chore
you: first sign of relationship problems I move to anal
you: "go nuclear"
you: I think I'm going to teach myself physics
me: highschool or grad level?
you: like
you: I want to bridge the gap between quantum physics and einstein's standard model
you: I dunno, I feel like she has just been immature about the breakup
you: I tried to talk to her the two weeks after and she wouldn't have it
you: so its like she missed the window
you: I haven't written her back yet
me: i guess it depends on what you want.
you: sigh, I'm not sure
you: on a lighter note, I just downloaded an 80 megabyte zip file of scientology documents.
you: long long day
you: audition then the SS Administration
you: according to social security records, I'm a woman
me: since?
you: all my life
you: its like she keeps being like "why can't we be friends, something good has to come out of this" and I'm like "what are you talking about!?
you: I mean, its hard because part of me wants to see her again, I do miss her
you: but comeon, she's acting like "are you finally ready yet???"
you: its been 2 months
you: what you need to do
you: is start an account on EVE online, its a MMORPG
me: eve?
you: its an online RPG focused around space
you: I own two spaceships!
you: oh man
you: I left the bathroom after my shower and now my roommate is in there crappin
you: and I need to get my contacts and get outta here
me: careful there's going to be poop particles in the air. don't put them on your eyes.
you: it'll make my eyes stronger
you: dude
you: I watched this 11 minute video of this guy trying to describe dimensions
you: and it was fucking tough on my brain
you: and then I found out later this guy wasn't a scientist or anything it was just speculation
January 2009
1 post
you: welcome to the internet!
me: not there yet. still need to finish airport express set up.
you: now you can talk to me when I'm high
August 2008
1 post
you: I think I have AIDS!
you: psych
you: PSYCH
me: TOO LATE!
you: NO!
me: it's my status!
me: I HAVE INTERNET POWER
me: if enough people read it you will have aids
you: damni\\\\\\\\\
you: I knew that woudl happen
you: I walked into that
you: I think I'm terribly out of shape
you: I'm so tired!
you: my heart is the consistency of a pierogie
May 2008
1 post
you: humm
you: I want to be a uboat operator
April 2008
1 post
you: I was THIS CLOSE to hooking up with a norwegian girl last night
me: what happened?
you: they were leaving this morning at 8am
you: so I came home
you: when they left
you: I was being persistent
you: let me tell you
you: IT WORKS
you: BAM
you: but
you: alas
March 2008
2 posts
you: what if that was your psychic curse
you: that everyone you saw you had to mentally have sex withfrom start to finish
me: in real time?
you: yeah
you: the girl I slept with this weekend
you: while we were hooking up at one point said "unprotected sex, bad idea"
you: and I was like "oh yeah, definitely"
you: but the next morning she was like "did we start having unprotected sex?"
you: and I'm like "no! I thought you were suggesting it"
you: this got me a) worried about my penis "feel." that she might mistake no sex for having sex
you: and b) worried that we were having sex without me realizing it?
you: this all is to say, life comes at you fast
January 2008
1 post
you: dude
you: guess what
you: I was high last night
you: and I made pop corn
you: on the stove
you: apparently, you should only use a half cup of kernels
you: so I used a cup by accident
you: and it started poping
you: and it's going slowly at first
you: but then there's more and more
you: and it pushes the top off the pot
you: now I have tons of popcorn
December 2007
1 post
you: poor darth vader... the emperor brought luke to the death star with the desire for him to kill vader
me: i'm confused
you: about the ending to return of the jedi?
me: is this an analogy?
you: no
you: its just distrubing, the sith
me: so the emperor wanted vader dead and luke to take over for him, right?
you: yeah
you: because the sith just operate with one master and one apprentice
you: so in empire, vader tried to get luke to join him and kill the emperor
you: and in return of the jedi, its like vader has almost given up
you: its sad
July 2007
1 post
me: did you cry at all in HP7?
you: I teared up a bit
me: which spots?
you: "And his knowledge remained woefully incomplete, Harry! That which Voldemort does not value, he takes no trouble to comprehend. Of house-elves and children's tales, of love, loyalty, and innocence, Voldemort knows and understands nothing. Nothing. .That they all have a power beyond his own, a power beyond the reach of any magic, is a truth that he never grasped."
June 2007
1 post
me: the macbook would make life easier. if you didn't want to go up there you could just video chat with her
you: true, but she has a crappy acer
me: i don't think i could date a PC user.
you: her roommate had an ibook, so I used to pretend it was all okay
May 2007
1 post
you: the bacon smell wafting in is killing me
me: from your kitchen?
you: I dunno where its from